i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
