its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
40s are totally the cure
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
