sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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