this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
