i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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