I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
