What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
