My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
