I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
