I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize