I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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