I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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