people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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