I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
