Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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