Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
