I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
