If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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