just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
