I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
