Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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