I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
