He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
