every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize