You're completely useless in the revolution.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
