youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
