she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
my poor anus
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
