I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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