Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
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