Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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