don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
