trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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