he looks like a really good dad on facebook
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
