I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
