I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
do nipples grow back?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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