Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
