When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
