shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
