ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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