its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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