dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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