My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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