but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
