Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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