She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
