we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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