I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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