i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
