JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
