well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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