She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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