I think scott just propositioned me for sex
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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