The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i just had sex bonerless
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
