Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
