I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
