I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Randomize
