I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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