It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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