fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
