Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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