Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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