Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
