Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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