Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
