You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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