Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
