Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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