Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
