she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
