i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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