i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
