Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
