I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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