I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
