textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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