The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Randomize
