I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You made out with two different species that night
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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