I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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