just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
