you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
