Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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