we have pet lesbian snakes
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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