Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
