can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
