I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
